so there is a new layout here now. i like the colors much better now. softer, less horror-show.

hope you enjoy them and the lack of updates. i swear, im trying.

it didnt rain this weekend. we did more than we would normally do. i didnt have to wear a jacket, i even wore shorts.

to its credit, ohio has nice air. chicago seemed stuffy, even with its constant little breeze. nothing like ohio where things are clear; you get rain, snow, or beautiful clean air.

last year i decided to start golfing. three times out, all three times were entertaining. stories to be told last winter. this sunday we played for the first time this season. beautiful clean air, sleepy white clouds hiding the sun enough to take the glare aware.

in golf, your goal should be to win. mine currently is to lose as few balls as possible while enjoying the weather, the landscape, and the other golfers taking things much more seriously than i ever could.

relaxing, beautiful clean air. wash away petty problems.

all of this, i realize again as i always have before, is payback to patience.

a month has passed since the last update. not much has changed in that month.

i still hold on to this idea that my life is going to be very short. i dont know where this comes from. its not a fear as much as it is law.

always lingering no matter the mood.

started doing some things with swanky again. feels good to look at that project in a new way. something fresh. new voices, new ideas.

sena and alise are back. gone way too long.

when i cant sleep, i do laundry.

ozma and lipton iced tea. ok go and jones cherry soda.

so i guess that prediction of dedication was a bit far-fetched. even when my family is away and im all alone at 4am i still cant find a sentence worth sharing with you.

started writing again. not sure how long it will last but i thought id give it a try. have some new projects these days. nothing really exciting, but it keeps me busy. thats all i care to be right now – busy.

its cold and it snows and its beautiful.

oh, its been a while. but i havent really done anything. nothing new to show in so long. nothing new to do in so long.

she keeps growing and i keep getting older. ive never felt so unalive with so much vitality right beside me. how do you explain this mood?

im not sure where i get this attitude. whoever gave it to me is welcome to take it back. everyday i wonder, “is this my last?”. when did i step away from being able to see past such silliness. when did this drama become my life.

its not like im trying something new here. routine album on repeat. i used to try things for me. now i try to not be noticed. nothing changed and i think that is the problem.

its not them, they are wonderful. its not even me, i feel fine. something else, someone else. inside out. on the outside looking in. feeding off the quiet pauses in between.

i wouldnt know you today if you told me who you were. i doubt id even be interested enough to listen.

cant sleep but being awake is even harder. eyes floating without a purpose.

hidden discussions share that same old rhythm. repeated and reapplied.

id have pictures but i burned them. id have letters but i returned them.