Winter has been cruel here in Ohio.

I can take the cold, I can’t take a constant flux between cold and warm. This back and forth is killing me (and my bum knee [my built-in barometer]).

Kaden turned one this past weekend, we had a Spongebob party for him. I bought him a Porsche, die-cast.

I don’t know why we stay in Ohio. It’s been a month since we got back from vacation and I can’t find any reason to stay here much longer. The only thing keeping us here is our extended families and that’s not a good reason to make financial and opportunistic sacrifices.

It always gets better in the Spring; at least until Fall.

I’ve been working on a new ‘web project’, my first real one since I decided to retire from the “Oh, Hello” grind. It’s been fun so far, I hope it sticks – I miss the challenge.

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House flooded, basement smells of mold and frustration.

Kids arguing, frustration floods me.

Summer gone, falling to Fall, girls older, boy bigger.

Cold wind through shoddy windows, need replaced, frustration.

Laughing at myself, my self reflection seems gone. This isn’t about me, it’s about doing what needs done, for girls and boy and wife and home.

Seasons, fall, stand up.

August, still 29. Haven’t crossed over just yet.

Alise and Keylie are taking swimming lessons at the YMCA. Kaden is eating us out of house and home.

It is hot here, but I won’t complain – Fall is just around the corner.

Happy belated birthday to Sena. May you always be able to find something wonderful in bad times; always laugh while surrounded by solemnity.

Happy birthday, Alise.

You are beautiful, as always. I can’t believe how big you are now, and how much you have and haven’t changed.

You are such a caring and helpful girl, always willing to do things for your sister and brother.

I am so proud of you, beanie.

I’m going to stand by my opinion that Braid remains one of the best bands of all time.

That opinion may be greatly influenced by the timing of my Braid experience: new town (Chicago), new family (Sena and Alise), new experiences (Job, computers).

Regardless, every time I hear “First Day Back” I get a huge hankering to just drop whatever I am doing and dance crazy.

“to what do i owe this attention
i’m only half of the reflection
and the conversation goes
oh, nevermind.”

I can’t believe it has been five years.

I remember sitting at my office as Sena came in carrying a “It’s a Baby!” balloon trumpeting your impending arrival.

You were born so quickly, so easily. You gave us no problems on your way into this world. You want to grow up quicker than we want you to; You want to be big.

I watched you at Chuck E Cheese with your little friends. You have such a loving heart, my little angel. You share everything with everyone – your toys, your candy, yourself. I worry people will take advantage of that eventually, but then I remember you’re Keylie, and you don’t let anyone take advantage of you.

I think sometimes of how small and smart and fragile you sometimes seem, sleeping beside me on the couch as you drift and snore softly late at night.

Where are the years going, I wonder. Things seem to be speeding up for me, leading me further away from you as you become more and more independent.

I look at you and your sister and your brother and I can’t help feel worried that I’ll never be able to do enough for you all. But then you look at me with those crystal blue eyes, smile and say ‘I love you daddy’ and for a moment, everything freezes and I know I’m doing something right.

Happy Birthday, my little princess; my little ‘keke bird’ – may everyday make you feel this special.

Jack:

You were a great friend. You listened to our family, in good and bad, never judging our pettiness and inane banter.

All you asked in return was some attention, possibly a stroll around the house in your big pink ball of doom. And always to be scratched between the eyes. Oh how you squealed with excitement at that.

You were older than Keylie and so full of life. I’ll miss you, even if everyone raised an eyebrow at our undying love for a common Chile rodent.

I’m not ashamed to admit everyone cried on the last day you were alive. Even my mom who called you ‘Jack the Rat’, was sad to hear you were going home to Degu Heaven, as Alise called it.

We buried you wrapped in Kleenex in a Stride-Rite box in the backyard. Wrapped over and over with masking tape and topped with a printed picture of you when you were younger.

Everyone signed the picture with love, like a guestbook at a funeral. The girls cried and then laughed remembering how you so loved to get out of things. I think they hoped you would find a way out of your makeshift coffin.

Keylie picked dandelions and placed them on your grave. She has been doing it everyday since you died.

Rest in peace, Jack.

Love,

Your Family

It has been a while since I have had time to write. Life has been busy, filled with change.

Kaden is now three months old and growing rapidly. He already is approaching the size of his six month old cousin. He is smiling and giggling, loves to watch his sisters as they dance around.

The girls started taking swimming lessons. Both of them are quick learners, much quicker than I ever learned.

Sena is back to work at the hospital. She misses Kaden when she has to work overnight. I imagine it’s hard to leave someone so dependent on you at home.

I’m doing consulting again, involving myself in new projects. New things keep me from stagnating; keep me from feeling like I’ve lost my edge.

Spring has finally arrived in Ohio and things move forward.

Ohio continues to dig itself out of over a foot of snow. It has been warmer this week, making for a dirty, slushy mess. Melting snowmen and snow angels fill our front yard.

Kaden has been keeping Sena up all night. I haven’t noticed it myself because once I’m asleep, nothing wakes me up.

Alise sold an amazing amount of girl scout cookies to friends and strangers alike. She knows how to play people already. God have mercy on the boys in her future.

And life marches on.

I found out that my brother and his girlfriend are expecting a little one.

I wonder how long until my brother, whom we all thought would be the ‘eternal bachelor’ of our family, loses his cool and freaks out about the dramatic changes a baby brings (regardless if you think it will or not).

Sena and I have been huge Alkaline Trio fans since we lived in Chicago. At one point I even hosted their website for them, along with another little known band at the time, OK GO. So while I am happy to see Matt and Dan doing so well for themselves, I will admit I am somewhat jaded by the bandwagoning fans and the way their style of music has become cliche and ‘teeny bopper’ over the past year.

I remember going to a show in Chicago where there were maybe 50 to 100 people there to see Alkaline Trio perform. No pretenses, just music fans enjoying the music.

I went to their most recent show here in Cleveland: jam-packed with kids sporting too much makeup (girls and boys) and spending too much time trying to look different from other kids trying to look different.So while they still put on a great live show it was somewhat ruined by the atmosphere.

Any chance we can swing the teeny-bopper pendulum back toward rap music for 2007?